-contemplating.

I'm contemplating myself and my life and honestly, I'm not going to make it through another hour, let alone another year. I'm not depressed, I'm not bipolar, even though everyone uses that against me. I'm none of it. I'm just incredibly sad and tired. I'm unhappy with everything. I wish I didn't turn out this way. I want to be someone else, not this mess, I could change but that won't help. I'm tired of trying for people who don't care about my well-being. It's sick how someone can mean so much to you or you say they do and then they exclude you, from their life, their existence. I don't get it. I'm sorry for not being enough. I'm unhappy with myself, everything and everyone. There is people out there who have made me forget everything going on in my life and literally just filled me with positivity and hope. For that I am thankful and always will be. Those who have been there, through my darkest times, will always be held captive in my safe place, in my heart. Thank you. so much.

- //18.02.18