-haunt me.

I took you for granted, and I pester myself everyday for it. I put you aside, as if you were some toy, the one I’d play with when I was lonely. I hurt you, I messed up. You were still there. You stuck by me for so long, and I took that all for granted. I pushed you away, I treated you like the sun treats the moon. Invisible and worthless. I considered us toxic. Were we toxic, or was it just me? Was I the reason you broke down multiple of times, because you didn’t feel good enough? I was never there for you, and I hate myself for it. I’ve tried to move on, but everything leads me back to you. You think I played you, when I just want you to hate me. I don’t deserve you. You were there, when I broke up with you. You were there when the world was falling apart, at my own two feet. You were there when I pushed you away, countless of times. You were there when I told you I hated you, in hope you’d leave, and move on. I wanted you to move on, although I knew it’d destroy me, and the sight of you with someone new, has already torn me apart. Why? I want you to be happy, you deserve everything, and that I couldn’t give you. I promise myself I won’t mess this up, I won’t go back to you. I won’t ruin your dim chances of being with ‘him’. Promise me something. Promise when I call, you won’t pick up. When I message, you won’t give in to me. When I cry, looking for you in every new person I meet, you’ll ignore it. Let your absence tear the insides of me, let it break me. Show me how toxic I am. Move on, you deserve so much better than me, I was just a broken corpse. Let the sight of you and ‘him’ haunt me, let it drive me insane. Most of all, show me what it’s like to be in love with me. 

-Words you’ll never tend to see, intoxicated love. //16.04.18